Mad

What do you do when you're mad at God? I have a belief system. There is a God but church and all the guilt that goes with it are optional. But right now I am royally pissed at Him. In the past 6 weeks I have now lost 6 people that I have known and loved. Four of them were expected. They were older, sick, had lived their lives. My uncle passed unexpectedly and it hurt but he was in his 60's. While that is still too young, he had lived his life. But this last death. It's pointless. It's mean. It's hateful.

My husband's cousin, Kim had just gotten married 2 weeks ago. She is 27 or 28. Her husband, of two weeks died on Saturday. He was 30 years old and had just married his best friend. They have a beautiful 2 year old daughter together and were planning on adding to their family soon. But he's dead now and I am mad. He had epilepsy. They think he had a seizure, fell into a small garden garden pond (about 6-7 inches deep) and drowned. In his own backyard while his new wife and daughter played in the house. It is just unimaginable what Kim is feeling right now. Bailey will never really know how much her Daddy loved her. Joe was a quiet guy but when he was talking about Bailey, he just lit up.

When I found out I just couldn't stop crying. I told Mark he wasn't allowed to die on me because if I hurt this much, how does Kim feel?

So I'm mad at God and I don't know what I feel about that. It's supposed to be wrong to feel like that right? So I'm sad and mad and confused all at the same time. I'm done with all the dying and the pain. I'm so over it.