Monday, October 3, 2011

Sinking

I'm not doing so good right now.  I'm all over the place.  I'm so tired of the happy face.  I had such an awful weekend.  I had planned on having a great time but as usual, I look at my friends photos and all I see is sadness and disappointment.  In me, in all of it.  The past few weeks have been weighing on me so heavily that sometimes I'm amazed that I'm making it through it all.  I tried mentioning it a couple of weeks ago to my friends when we got together but when I mentioned how sad I was, they kinda laughed it off.  I think they thought I was being over dramatic.  I know I tend to run hot and cold sometimes so maybe that's why they didn't see the pain.  But it shut me down real fast.  I don't have them as an outlet like I thought I did.  I don't want to talk about it with Mark because I know he'll get upset.  I won't talk about it to my mom or dad because I don't want them to think that they screwed up with me, made a mistake with me.  Maybe I should talk to my sister.  She'd probably slap some sense into me.  It's what I need.  But right now, I'm sinking, crying for too many hours of too many days.  I hope I'm bottoming out and I'll start smiling for real again.  Pray that I do soon.
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6 comments:

  1. Janette @ The Johanson JourneyOctober 3, 2011 at 12:57 PM

    Aw sweetie, I am sorry to hear you are feeling so down. I actually can relate and it is hard to find that ONE person who can understand. I'm one to internalize and hope that it passes but I hope you find comfort soon.

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  2. Cajun CowgirlOctober 3, 2011 at 5:27 PM

    Praying for you girl! I hope that you can find someone to talk to AND a hot bath AND a beverage of your choice be it a glass of wine or pumpkin latte!

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  3. KimberlyOctober 4, 2011 at 1:57 AM

    I can relate to this. I often feel like I'm drowning but don't have anyone in my "real" life to turn to for support. I've found amazing strength in my blogging friends, so if you ever want to talk, please, I'm here. I'll always listen.

    Praying you find that smile again. :)

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  4. Am I Really Grown Up?October 4, 2011 at 11:18 AM

    Thank you girls. I've found that every time I feel sad like that and finally write about it, I feel better. I'm still a little blue but doing better. Thank you for your prayers, it does wonders.

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  5. I Am Not SuperwomanOctober 4, 2011 at 10:06 PM

    Praying for you. Have you been checked for PPD? Just curious if you have given that any thought. Might be something you should consider because it is something that you might not just snap out of without help. Talking and writing about it though I know helps but again please consider reaching out to someone.

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  6. JackieOctober 4, 2011 at 11:01 PM

    When no one else gets it there's one who does. I frequently say this verse when things get me down. I'll be praying for you, hope you are able to talk to some one and get some reprieve from your sadness....praying

    I am the LORD, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you. Isaiah 41:13

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