Bump in the Night

Annabelle is completely gung ho on Halloween right now.  It is all she can talk about, all day all night.  She wants to be a princess, a witch, a La La Loopsy, Rapunzel, a flower.  She has costume ADD right now. 

We pulled out the Halloween decorations and she's been playing with every little thing.  To her, they are all toys.  She loves window clings.  They give her many hours of joy, repositioning them over and over on the windows and door.  Her latest creation involves a skeleton juggling.  I thought it was rather inspired.  What do you think?

The Sky

This was how the sky looked this morning.  I thought it looked absolutely beautiful.

Do I Have Enough?

While Mark was out of town for 12 whole days, I needed to come up with a plan to make the time move as quickly as possible.  During the day and up until dinner, everything was normal.  Mark wasn't around during that time anyways, but after dinner and the weekend.  Yeah I needed some help which I so lovingly got from both my parnets and my in-laws.  Plus one of my GNI girls hung out with me for a few hours.  The adult conversation was what I was really, really missing, you can imagine.

After I put Annabelle down to bed, I got busy.  Making big, comfy, cozy crochet infinity scarves.  I love me a good scarf.  If I'm feeling chilly, I will often pull out my scarf and wind it around my neck, instant warmth.  I figured, who out there wouldn't love a great warm scarf as well.  So I made 11 scarves as Christmas presents for my aunts, a cousin, moms, grandmas, sister and my BIL's girlfriend.  I made one each nigth starting the first Monday Mark was gone, finishing up the following Thursday.

Of course Annabelle needed to try them on, all at once.  I think they will end up being a big hit and if not, now I'll have every color imaginable for myself to maych every outfit I own.

One Week to Go

Last week, luckily, seemed to fly by.  I won't lie, the thought of Mark being gone for twelve whole days caused me so much anxiety.  I knew that during the week would go by just fine.  There was a lot going on already.  I got to meet Annabelle's teacher and dance class started for me, plus Annabelle had gymnastics.  But the weekend... I thought it would be hard with a capital H. 

We were actually so busy getting back into our schedule, that all of a sudden it was Friday and I was realizing that I miss Mark like crazy.  Just that adult conversation each night, a cuddle while watching TV or playing some cards together.  I am missing it.

We are counting down the days, five more.I'm glad everything is going smoothly but I can not wait for Friday around midnight to get here.  Then life will get back to normal.

A Birthday for Pooh Bear

Back in the spring, I can't really remember when, Annabelle asked me when Pooh's birthday was.  I looked around and found a date, August 21, 1921.  So when that date came around, we had ourselves a little party.  I found out afterwards that that was Christopher Robin's birthday and not actually Pooh's, but you know what, Annabelle's not going to care that I got the date wrong.  I hope she'll think I was a great mom for doing that little something extra to make her smile.

We made chocolate cupcakes with cream filling inside, way to sweet for me, made a quick set of party hats and a banner and we were ready to party!  Mark even canceled plans for a man-date to see that Bourne movie with his friend from work, just  to make sure he was part of Pooh's special day.

A fast banner.

Singing to Pooh.

The birthday bear is ready to blow out his candles.

Now a family shot.

Ooh it's so good:)

Complaint

I started this blog as a way to put my own feelings out there.  Sometimes I had an idea, a memory that I wanted to revisit.  Sometimes I was having a bad me day.  I was using this as a sounding board for myself, not really a way to be out there as a presence in the blog-o-shpere.  I don't beg for followers, go looking for them, I didn't tell people about this.  It was a journal-type thing for me.  I wrote about stuff that didn't warrant a conversation when I was with my friends, either being too trivial or too heart wrenching.

My blog has certainly changed.  While I still use it as a way to document my life as it happens around me, I don't share my troubles, my fears, my angry times like I used to.  That feels so restricting to me lately.  I stopped because I slipped, told a friend about blogging something.  She found me and we had such a fight over things I had written.  About a rift that had grown between us.

Lately I feel that rift growing again due to a few things.  Things that I won't or can't mention in case she shows up again.  So I feel limited because writing things out when I was sad or mad or whatever, helped me put it in perspective.  She says I should write a journal but I don't want Mark or Annabelle to be able to find it and read my thoughts, especially when they aren't so good.  She says type out a post or letter and don't ever press send, but I need to be able to go back and feel the things I was feeling.  Maybe that's stupid to relive the bad stuff but it's the way I work. 

So I will stick it inside for right now, but I'm feeling the pinpricks of hurt.  Hopefully they will fade soon.

Oh My!

This week, I made it my personal mission to do nothing.  After all the business leading up to school, I just didn't want to do anything.  I also feel like I deserve a little break before all the hard stuff happens next week.

• Mark has to go out of town for 2 whole weeks!  ARRRGGGH!  He even has to stay the weekend which messes up all of our plans.  He will miss meeting Annabelle's teacher for the first time and we had a super fun party to go to on Saturday which we've now had to decline going to.  :( 
• I'm having to line up a few babysitting days while he's gone so that I can meet the new teacher plus dance begins and I don't want to miss if I don't have to.  These are the times when I wish my parents and in-laws lived in Williamsville too and not Lancaster.  I know a 20 minute drive is no big deal but because it will be later at night I feel bad stealing grandma and grandpa's relaxation time.
• I've decided to try a 3 day detox diet while Mark's away.  He would completely be against it saying I was going too far but what he doesn't know won't hurt him.
• I am promising myself that I will get a major handle on the organizing that I started at the end of summer.  I will get every. single. toy. upstairs and out of our living space.  I am seriously thisclose to being done with that.  But now I need to go through the boxes of stuff that were in the spare room and decided what is going and what is staying.
• So all of that organizing will hopefully mean my house will be absolutely sparkling clean.  Here's hoping!
• And the last thing that we need to figure out is when we are going zip-lining with my brother-in-law and his girlfriend.  It closes soon and I REALLY REALLY REALLY want to go!

OK done venting about my upcoming difficult weeks.  I know we'll be fine but the weekend he will be gone... I think will be the hardest for me to handle.  I think I need to research something fun for Annabelle and I to do together maybe with the grandparents or my sister and her kids. 

Feeling My Way

It's the first week back at school and I'm remembering what it feels like to be alone.  I can do anything that I want to do, watch television or read or listen to music.  Not having to have Annabelle on  my mind at every moment like I do during summer vacation.  Don't get me wrong, I'm perfectly cognisant of what she is doing at each moment of her day away from me.  When she has specials, lunch, a little down time to play or go outside while the weather is still warm.  But it's different because even though I think about her throughout the day, she's still not here, not actually present.

I feel like I'm at a loss right now about what I should be doing.  I feel lazy and out of sorts without a real schedule to hold on to.  I'm not really all that sure how much I will be needed in the classroom in first grade.  In Kindergarten, I was a room parent so I came to every single party, event or field trip.  On top of all of that, I volunteered in the room once or twice each month.  It took a lot of my time, but I loved being able to be the go to one in the room.  That is why I am a stay at home mother, to be able to experience every single moment of her school age years with her.

I might try to get a part time job.  Maybe what I need is three to four hours a day to get out of the house for a real reason.  And making some money on the side will always be a bonus.  I won't lie.  The idea of that scares the bejeebus out of me.  All of my feelings of not being good enough, smart enough, just enough are clinging to me hard, hard, hard when I think of it.  I'm going to try to wrap my head around it and then hopefully leap into something that feels right for me for right now.  That's all I can ask for at this moment in time.

First Grade!

And so a new school year begins.  She picked her outfit.  She complained of a nervous tummy.  But she got on the bus without even a glance back at us.  She is growing up too fast.  There is a part of me that wants to grab her and hold on tight.  Tell her to slow down because adulthood comes oh so fast.  I know she won't listen though.  So I watch and try to make memories of every little thing because she's in first grade and getting so big.  I almost cried as the bus pulled away.  I know she'll be fine.  That she'll love meeting her new teacher and seeing who will be in her class.  But what about me...  I hope that she will miss me a little bit because I am missing her.