I started this blog as a way to put my own feelings out there. Sometimes I had an idea, a memory that I wanted to revisit. Sometimes I was having a bad me day. I was using this as a sounding board for myself, not really a way to be out there as a presence in the blog-o-shpere. I don't beg for followers, go looking for them, I didn't tell people about this. It was a journal-type thing for me. I wrote about stuff that didn't warrant a conversation when I was with my friends, either being too trivial or too heart wrenching.
My blog has certainly changed. While I still use it as a way to document my life as it happens around me, I don't share my troubles, my fears, my angry times like I used to. That feels so restricting to me lately. I stopped because I slipped, told a friend about blogging something. She found me and we had such a fight over things I had written. About a rift that had grown between us.
Lately I feel that rift growing again due to a few things. Things that I won't or can't mention in case she shows up again. So I feel limited because writing things out when I was sad or mad or whatever, helped me put it in perspective. She says I should write a journal but I don't want Mark or Annabelle to be able to find it and read my thoughts, especially when they aren't so good. She says type out a post or letter and don't ever press send, but I need to be able to go back and feel the things I was feeling. Maybe that's stupid to relive the bad stuff but it's the way I work.
So I will stick it inside for right now, but I'm feeling the pinpricks of hurt. Hopefully they will fade soon.