Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Yeah, Yeah

It's been awhile, but really who wants to listen to me complain. I don't even want to listen to me right now. I'm feeling a disconnect, with pretty much everything. This happens to me on a regular basis, where I feel like I've been set adrift in a giant ocean. Nothing can be seen in any direction. No life boats or rocks or helicopters hovering. No one and nothing trying to help or find me. I just have to swim, but I'm tired and going under. Do other people feel this? I've never told anyone any of this stuff. I know there are times that I have hinted to Mark or my sister, maybe a friend but I never say the words, I'm depressed. I can always pull myself out of the deep end and smile again. I know I'll get there but God my arms are tired of treading water. The weight I feel on me pulls me under and I just need one little beacon of light to strive towards. But all I feel is condescension and disdain, especially from my friends right now. On the outside looking in. Being judged for ideas and decisions I make. Being doubted. I will stop my ramble now because I know that I will look back at this down the road and think that I'm an idiot. I just know that I feel better putting it out there for myself.


  1. I so know how you feel. Try not to worry about what others think or say. Know that your feelings are valid. If you continue to feel depressed, talk to your GP about it. There are many of us out there.

  2. Thanks middle child. I seem to have forgotten how lucky I am and I'm working on myself to get to that place.

  3. I totally feel your pain. I go thru a funkiness myself. Especially in the winter.

    But alot to when I am dealing with relationship shit.

    I think sometimes I am overly emtotional.

  4. I'm hoping it's just theweather that's making me so cranky. And I am a emotional mess on most days kittycat. Sometimes it sucks beinga girl.