Monday, October 3, 2011
I'm not doing so good right now. I'm all over the place. I'm so tired of the happy face. I had such an awful weekend. I had planned on having a great time but as usual, I look at my friends photos and all I see is sadness and disappointment. In me, in all of it. The past few weeks have been weighing on me so heavily that sometimes I'm amazed that I'm making it through it all. I tried mentioning it a couple of weeks ago to my friends when we got together but when I mentioned how sad I was, they kinda laughed it off. I think they thought I was being over dramatic. I know I tend to run hot and cold sometimes so maybe that's why they didn't see the pain. But it shut me down real fast. I don't have them as an outlet like I thought I did. I don't want to talk about it with Mark because I know he'll get upset. I won't talk about it to my mom or dad because I don't want them to think that they screwed up with me, made a mistake with me. Maybe I should talk to my sister. She'd probably slap some sense into me. It's what I need. But right now, I'm sinking, crying for too many hours of too many days. I hope I'm bottoming out and I'll start smiling for real again. Pray that I do soon.